Written by Pterodromae Cahow at 11:41 21/10-2016
Raymond Jarboe has officially retired as a Pterodromae Cahow cyclist. After a reporter asked Jarboe if he might become a part of the PANBERG REallocation PROgram, Jarboe responded calmly: "PANBERG REPRO?! PANBERG REPRO?!?!?!?! I would rather retire than enter PANBERG. FUCKING. REPRO." And then he did.
Unlike his cycling career, however, Jarboe was not done with the reporter. "I can't believe you reporters think that all us thirty-something Bermudians are alike! This is outrageous prejudice!", he continued with a serene facial expression. "Cyclists should be taught to have loyalty, fidelity, and integrity, but instead PANBERG REPRO teaches older cyclists the values of mercantilism, opportunism, and other Hog Bay crap!" While the reporter looked dumbfounded, possibly (but not probably) contemplating the obscure reference to Frank Lloyd Wright, Jarboe subtly indicated that perhaps he had heard one or two questions too many about PANBERG REPRO. "All I hear about is PANBERG REPRO. Whenever a reporter shows up, they ask us questions about PANBERG REPRO. Seriously!!! PANBERG REPRO is the Hillary Clinton's private email server scandal of Bermuda!"
Survivors can neither affirm nor deny that, after the intrepid reporter asked him to repeat that tongue-twisting sentence, Jarboe, who obtained the first-ever Pterodromae Cahow victory at the tender age of twenty-eight years, two months, and seventeen days, summoned forth a great chasm that enveloped the reporter and all those within Ebola contracting distance of him. At least no one can say he didn't care.
Following his retirement, Pterodromae Cahow has decided to appoint Jarboe as the first Tommy Vanson Honorary Trainer, named after the incredible hill sprinting talent who unfortunately never made it to the talent feature after dying tragicomically at the tender age of one month, seventeen days, and two decades from pushing a Q-tip too far up his ear. Jarboe will continue to teach our Storm Petrels the values of loyalty, fidelity, and integrity. And climbing. Especially climbing.
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Comments
Fine report, congratz ) :)
It's a good thing that Jarboe didn't lose his calm after those questions.
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